Blog: The Wicklow GAA Online Budget 2009

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Budget day is among us.

Again.

And the country holds its breath.

Again.

I mean, we just don’t know what they are going to come out with this time, do we? I just pray to the livin’ jaysus that someone upgraded Lenihan’s Abacus to a Calculator.

But if we look on it with the view that the Government are going to mess up once again (God Forbid) it leaves us with one burning question;

Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country. And let’s face it; the government are not doing much for us at the moment. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not taking sides, I think the opposition of full of idiots too.

But where do we go?

Let’s look at GAA, how can we budget to earn extra money? The €€€’s that will save us all and lead us not into temptation, em, again…

Well, I would like to present to you Wicklow GAA Online’s 2009 GAA Budget. We will be looking to generate enough money to reduce the deficit by at least 50% over the next 6 Months.

• A €2 Tax on every winning point the Kilkenny Hurlers add to their winning margin in this years Championship. This is expected to add €3,500,000 by September.

• A €2 Tax on every losing point the Kilkenny footballers see added to their losing margin during first half of the year. This is expected to add €47,300,000 by May.

• A tax rate of 23% on all players who have taken up the game of Aussie Rules. A further €50 Levy for every scrap they partake in, in each game.

• We will introduce a Strike Levy of €10,000. While short term will not yield a lot of money, expected contribution from Cork GAA will see our total over the next 10 years rise to €120,000.

• An expectation levy to be introduced in Dublin. Every fan that hints, or implies Dublin will win Sam Maguire, will have to pay €5 each time it’s uttered. All levies will be refunded should Dublin win the All-Ireland. No financial loss expected.

• A €0.50c tax on every word the Evening Herald devotes to said Dublin Senior Football Team over the next 6 months. Expected to generate €55,000 per day.

• Investment will be withdrawn on Carlow GAA’s proposed plan to clone Thomas Walsh. Instead, step ladders will be provided for all their midfielders.

• Tipperary Footballers to be moved up to a new 51% Tax band after having the cheek to go up to Division 2. This Government likes to do things slowly, and so should they.

• €3,000,000 Levy to be imposed on Tyrone. For just being Tyrone.

• Transport costs are to be cut by moving Leitrim to a more accessible part of the country. Proposed locations are, Carlow, Wexford or the Irish Sea.

• Match Programmes price to increase by 33%, be two pages, and have incorrect details in them. Sorry, already in practise. Scratch that one.

• Aughrim to be opened up to other sports. And then locked to make sure they can’t get out to play them.

• The continued counselling of the Waterford Senior Hurlers, ongoing since September 2008, to cease, saving an expected €500,000. (Option to resume should they face Kilkenny in 2009 Championship)

• Clare Hurling to be hit with a Whining Levy for every time they voice concerns over Corks inability (or not wanting) to field a decent side against every one bar them.

• All proceeds of Graham Geraghty’s new book, ‘Why You’ll Vote For Me This Time; a Philosophical and Theological look at Why I Hate Dublin’, generated from sales outside Croke Park on his return to Inter County Football (from his seventh retirement), to generate €20.

• €1,000,000 to be placed on The Wicklow Senior Football Team to win the Leinster Championship this year. Because we’re worth it.

This concludes GAA Budget 2009. In closing, we’d just like to say we’re all screwed. There’s nothing you can do about it. And the opposition are no better than us.